cuando no nos llueve, nos lluvisna

There are a few things in life that people actually understand. Like hunger. We know we need food to not feel hungry. We need sleep to not feel tired. We need to shower to not smell.

There are things we don’t completely understand. The human body, our mind (thoughts), the heart (love), human intention (good  and evil), religion (spirituality/soul related things).

Some things we choose not to understand like the Environment/Nature/Ecology, Peace, Equality/Equity.

There are days when we think we are very smart and intelligent and other days when we realize that we have a lot to learn. There are occasions when we shine and others when we shy out from admitting we do not know something.

We love to eat, sleep and shower (most of us) because we understand exactly what it entails and because we understand that it needs to be done. And there is pleasure involved.

We sometimes engage in matters of the body, mind and soul because we are willing to take a risk. We know that there is a chance we actually fulfill those parts of our existence. We to take a stab at engaging, dabbling or eliminating religion or spirituality in our lives because of what we think we understand.

And yet some of us (with more information/resources) choose to pollute, violate and hurt of surroundings. Our earth, what gives us life. We choose to engage in wars (around the world, in our communities and in our homes.) By being greedy, selfish and thoughtless, we promote and encourage inequality and unfairness.

Every morning we make choices. Every moment we choose what to understand or aim at understand realizing that we know less everyday. 

cuando tu vas, yo vengo

When I was a kid I used to wear cowgirl boots. They were black leather. My dad bought me those boots and he also bought me a machete. Sounds tom-boyish? Not really, I always wore dresses. It was a sight to be seen. I was so young (an infant) and yet I would sharpen my machete every other day. I loved the sound of it. I was very fearless and my dad would take me to chop wood and I would ride with him on his horse. My brother had developed a fear for horses after that same horse dragged him around our land. 

My dad never made a distinction between my brother and I. He would carry my brother on one leg and me on the other for hours. 

I learned very early on (by example) how a family should look. But I also learned that men and women are equals. It was a shock to see a different behavior when I got older. Logically, I was outraged at this discovery. Every time I experience some machismo either towards me or my surroundings, I think of how unnatural that is for me. 

no estoy para contarlo.. ni tu para saberlo

healing- growing sound; getting well; mending

I think healing is hard. It is hard because we have to admit that we are not well, suffering or ill. Healing is also a process. It doesn't happen overnight (both physically and emotionally). Healing can be painful, uncomfortable and even sometimes unreachable if certain things are not first attained.

Sometimes the wound that heals, can slightly open and begin bleeding. Circumstances trigger feelings that only we can understand.

Even the strongest people can hurt deep, very deep.

How do we know when we heal? Physically, we feel great. Emotionally, we are able to engage, laugh, and live our lives. When we don't, we simply don't feel right. It may be hard or very simple to express that.

I have a lot of respect for people that work to fix people. I also have respect for people that create structures and systems that can aid people in fixing themselves. Courage is what is needed, to take action in one's life.

What is the best remedy? There is no clear formula. I want to create one. Help me create one. I want to  our community, our circles, our families to heal. 

no trates de darme atole con el dedo......

Why do people like attention so much? I admit, I like attention but not all kinds. Only the ones where I am seen in positive light :)

But even that I have out-grown. This blog is a way for me to keep it at a low. In fact, I find myself wanting to have little to no social life lately. Partly because I don't want attention and partially because I don't want to give attention to the people that indulge in it for no real purpose other than self-glorification.

Now, that is not to say that I don't give credit where credit is due. And if you are a great soul and being, I enjoy your company and I will intentionally give you extra attention. You deserve it.

I am also at a point in my life where a good amount of what is around me is looking BLAH. The parties, the night outs, the people. It's somewhat related to the weather but it is also a check on what is going in around me. A moment to re-focus and evaluate what and with I am surrounding myself with.

So where am I getting at? Not sure. Last night I hardly slept because of insomnia and an allergy that I have yet to figure out where it came from. Maybe I am becoming allergic to all of my surroundings.

POISON!
Some things have become poison to my body and soul. I am poisoning myself. You ever do that? Hurt yourself intentionally by taking part in something that you know does not have a good affect on you.

I do it, at first I don't notice it and then it becomes more and more apparent (in my latest case, it is rashes on my shoulders, neck and back.

Or can I be allergic to myself? Have I become too much even for me to handle? People, please post what do you think?

de tal palo, tal astilla (this one is self-explanatory)

Do any of you still talk to your ex?

I don't know about you but I date people I like (with one exception and that ended absolutely horrible). So it is only natural to feel crappy when there is a break-up, otherwise it would be a relief. Grant it there are times when you begin dating by liking who they are  but that eventually (after a series of unfortunate events) turns into dislike.

I speak to two of  my ex-boyfriends, not by any degree like I had pre-dating but every so often a brief exchange (a gchat every month). I can see how some people might think that is unnecessary or "dangerous," but it's mostly politics/education related topics. I don't have any interest in them anymore. Hence, the title of EX.

There are two that I absolutely do not speak to (one because he is a stalker/psycho, still wants to be with me, even though he got married a few months ago and the other because he is sick, mentally, spiritually and maybe even physically and the very thought of him makes me want to throw up).

Anyway, I ask because I had a funny encounter on the train earlier this week. I was on my way to class. I had my headphones on and was very distracted. As I got up to exit, I was staring into nothing and I see a hand waving and it was this guy (we had a very short-live dating exchange, about a year ago). Now I don't dislike this individual by any means but we didn't end on a happy note. It was a sudden coldness that occurred. Has this happened to you?

Anyway, I didn't understand why he would go out of his way to say hello. I mean had I been the first one to see him, I would have pretended not to see him.

Why? Because there is no real reason to say anything.

When he waved, I had to say "hello".....awkward silence....."how are things?".....he smiled, said "good".....and the doors opened and I left.

Awkward!

People: let's try and avoid awkwardness.

I am trash talking now. Hahaha.

Ahora si....los patos le tiran a las escopetas?!

The title to my posts  will be "dichos" or "sayings" from now on, mostly from my mom. She has plenty, trust me. So aside from those of you whom I've shared these with in the past, you can comment on what you think it means.

Today is my momma's birthday, she is turning 47. My momma is super cool, I love her. She is so un-materialistic that anything you give her, she loves. And odds are she would never buy it for herself. But my mom is also very unconventional for an older mexican woman.......or so I thought.

Do you know that women in their forties speak a lot about sex. Yes, sex. My mom included. She makes me blush and I have to contain an "ewwww" or "ahhh" because I don't want her to know how I feel about things realted to that. I slip, I do. I am so transparent.

Now in general, I think women speak a lot about sex. Ladies, it's true. I am not saying all of you. But most.   When I was working at the  school (shall remain nameless), the lunchroom staff (ladies) would come into my office to tell me about all kinds of situations (fantasies, extra-marital affairs!, ect). One of them once told "I just need a man, just a day a week!"

Which brings me to a question. Do all women become this frank? After all, these are not my best friends. I can call them friends (loosely).  Or do I seem so trustworthy that you would want to share that type of information?

I don't talk about sex in that way, I really don't. Is there something wrong with me? I am not afraid to talk  about it. I can, if I felt like it. But I don't have a desire to. It might be the mexican (from el rancho) in me.

Which then brings me to another related topic. Have you ever noticed how relationships/dating can become competitive. Let me give you an example. There have been times when someone (a girlfriend) is telling me about her partner (her man) and after a while, when most of the nagging has finished, I'll say something like "ohh, that hasn't happened to me" (translation: my man would never do that shit) and then she has to be like "well, let me re-phrase" and then try and make up for that by telling me something that he is wonderful at.

I wasn't trying to say that my man is better than yours! Don't get defensive. Hahaha! Just Kidding! I do that to. I defend my man! :) but I don't place myself in situation where I have to defend him to begin with.

But I think it's cool. It shows that you care and so I want to set up a rule.

Here it goes:

When you want to speak on something your partner can improve on (notice the language I used, I did not say, "a flaw, a deficit"), always follow that by something he is great at (I hope that it is more than sex because I have heard plenty of sex stories as noted above).

90s mexican cinema

I have never thought much about what to post. If you do, then don't post it. That is my general rule. So I decided to start a blog after Tat (you will hear more about him soon) recommended I do. For some reason, I actually take his advice. I'm currently in the running to be his best man, my competition (Analia) doesn't have a blog as far as I know (Ja!).

Juliana is sitting next to me as I type away during "my lunch hour." So the topic today. Alfonso Sayas, that man makes my stomach hurt. I get chills (bad chills) when I think of him. We (my siblings and I) were bound to a television that played Alfonso Sayas. Other channels? Oh yes, they existed but I am talking about when we only had one television and could only watch one channel at the time in a language we all knew. 

Where is he now? Who cares?  (I actually did wikipedia'd him)

He didn't even establish himself in wikipedia? 

Mario Almada did (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mario_Almada_%28actor%29)- you should check it out- it is actually interesting. 

But why is it that I still even remember this trash. Well as you will continue to figure out. I, my friends (when I actually get followers), am in a constant journey to prove to my sorroundings that I am more mexican-cultured than the average mex-american and that is why I am terrible at Trivial Pursuit.