There are many things that have been in my head lately. One of them especially.
My stepdad was diagnosed with cancer several months ago and in the strangest turn of events, he went from being a stranger (someone I never tried to get to know for many reasons) to becoming my father.
It is hard for me to imagine a life that doesn't involve suffering, sacrifice and injustice. But every so often I catch of glimpse of what is in people's hearts. I am able to feel my stepdad's pain and as I am thinking about it now, I am sobbing.
I see someone who became father less at a young age and had to provide to his younger siblings for many years. I see a man who came to the United States with a desire to provide for his then wife and children. A person who struggled to be a good parent because he didn't see that in his own home.
My stepdad worked for restaurants, hotels, Zenith, Acme (one of the worst pollutants in Illinois and years later he was given $100 for the damage this COULD have caused him). And all he ever wanted was to someday retire in Mexico.
My stepdad has been discriminated, ridiculed and he has taken it. He did it because he felt he needed to, to have a secure job, a secure life.
I am not idolizing my stepdad, I would not do that. He was not a father for me and for even some of his children. What I am doing is talking about the man he came to be. His change over the past five years, maybe even ten, has been astonishing.
There are few times when I have witnessed miracles and he is one. My stepdad has grown on me. Because I searched for his humanity and in many ways he searched and found mine.
This came out of a relationship he has been building with God. His healing is connected to his faith and his desire to learn about God's word.
I prayed with him and my mom for a long time about six weeks ago. And what we thanked God for, what we shared with him was truly marvelous. I had never felt closest. I don't think I have ever reached that level of intimate thought with another human being. As I closed my eyes I felt like I was floating on air, I could see clouds and then the universe(s). I was able to separate myself from my earth self and understand things differently.
Before we prayed, my stepdad apologized to me (Me?!) for being poor, for not providing enough for us. For what he did and did not do for us. He asked me to forgive him.
And who am I to judge him? Why should I have the ability to set him free? But it reminded me of something. It reminded me of a poem that I always wanted to recite but never dared because my father never fit the description. But my second father (my stepdad) does in some ways:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OB0RgMcB8zc&feature=related
Today, I am thankful to be able to build something with him. I am thankful for his presence, I am thankful for him.
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